I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
