Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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