chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize