your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize