I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
