I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
