I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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