Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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