i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
