My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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