Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
