okay pat passed out under dana's car
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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