apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
