The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
