If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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