You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
