so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's rum buckets o'clock
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
