Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
