It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
