normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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