All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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