there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
