There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
