you would pick up someone in the library
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
