yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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