When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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