im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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