matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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