I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
