you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
