It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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