No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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