yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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