All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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