If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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