I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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