I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
