Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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