last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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