margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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