Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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