At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
