Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize