Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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