i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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