I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
