Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
