We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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