I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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