if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
