I look better un-naked...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize