In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
