I just gift wrapped bread.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
