I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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