i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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