we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ketchup is God's man juice
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
