I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
