Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize