Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
