Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She's JV to your varsity
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize