I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
