Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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