You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize