you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
