all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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