There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
