Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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