She said her name was "party"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
