It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
