I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
