This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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