THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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