is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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