I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
