We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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