So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
