Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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