Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
