3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize