he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
