I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
