sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
