did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
