Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
