when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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