I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
