I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's blow job season.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
