Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
