He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
