I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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