OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
