he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
