i don't like sucking hair
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize