it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
