and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
