I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
