Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
