now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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