i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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