I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
