So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
