I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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