broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
